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Captain Kirk Virus: Your computer. Talks. In short sentences. And you. Don't. Know why.

Bobbit Virus: Turns your hard drive into a floppy.

Pentium Virus: A stealthing virus that creates numerical errors and then tries to hide them.

Gump Virus: You take apart your computer to find nothing but a box of chocolates inside.

Energizer Virus: Once this virus is executed it keeps going and going and going...

Bob Villa Virus: Rebuilds your home directory into a multi-level condo.

American Express Virus: Claims your VISA card won't be everywhere you want to be.

AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Paul Revere Virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C:\.

Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Right to Life Virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about the possible alternatives.

Ross Perot Virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the damn thing quits.

Mario Cuomo Virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Government Economist Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Terry Randle Virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you chose "Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.

Adam and Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline Virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in gapore.

Freudian Virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS Virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Jimmy Hoffa Virus: Your programs can never be found again.

Kevorkian Virus: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.